Source: http://geekandpoke.typepad.com/geekandpoke/2009/12/from-hype-to-hype.html

• DOS Airlines
  Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on again, and so on.
• OS/2 Airlines
  The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.
  Once they finally finished you’re offered a flight at reduced cost.  To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful trip…except for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.
• Windows Air
  The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off.  After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
• Windows NT Air
  Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
  
• Mac Airlines
• All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
• Unix Airlines
  Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
• Wings of OS/400
  The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted “747″ on their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500, but your accounting department can call it overhead.
• Mach Airlines
  There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they’re building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform them that they have arrived.
• Newton Airlines
  After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 6 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.
• VMS Airlines
  The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.
• BeOS Air
  You have to pay for the tickets, but they’re half the price of Windows Air, and if you are an aircraft mechanic you can probably ride for free. It only takes 15 minutes to get to the airport and you are cheuferred there in a limozine. BeOS Air only has limited types of planes that only only hold new luggage. All planes are single seaters and the model names all start with an “F” (F-14, F-15, F-16, F-18, etc.). The plane will fly you to your destination on autopilot in half the time of other Airways or you can fly the plane yourself. There are limited destinations, but they are only places you’d want to go to anyway. You tell all your friends how great BeOS Air is and all they say is “What do you mean I can’t bring all my old baggage with me?”
• Linux Airlines
  Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?”

Source: http://webaugur.com/bibliotheca/field_stock/os-airlines.html

• PL/1 Mainframe Air:
  You arrive at the airport. It’s not really an airport, but actually an old wooden building next to the river. You ask why there isn’t a real airport. A very old man answers you that they have been building with wood ever since the beginning of construction, so it must be good. You ask where you can check in and when your plane leaves, but you are answered that they really don’t have any planes, because they think planes are too modern. Instead, you must place your luggage and yourself into a rowing boat in the river. This is because people have been using rowing boats for centuries, so rowing boats have proven that they work very good. You argue that a rowing boat can’t possibly take you to your destination 2000 miles away, but the old man insists that you try. After all, the rowing boat has never let HIM down. The fact that he only ever went as far as 2 miles up the river can’t convince him. In the end, with no choice left, you decide to give it a try. At first, all goes quite well. The old man can steer the rowing boat very fast down the river, but when you finally arrive at sea, the old man has a heart-attack and dies. You are now in the middle of the ocean, with nothing but a pair of paddles. Good luck.
  
• C++ Air:
  When you enter the airport, there are 5 entrances. You walk towards one, but then someone warns you that, if you choose one, you can never switch back and everything, including the destination of your journey, will depend on it. After thourough consideration, you find the entrance that is best for you. You go to a checkin terminal to check in, and you receive a ticket with everything from you name and address to the name of your dog (which you left home) and the contents of your wardrobe. You ask why there is so much information that isn’t necessary for the flight and you are answered that this is good, because then, you are in complete control of what you are doing. When you sit down at a table at a restaurant, the waiter won’t bring you anything, because you have the wrong flight-ticket. If you ask what this has to do with getting food, you are told that you should have thought of this before you chose a ticket. A bit confused, you enter the airplane. You are given a meal with a couple of slices of bread and a samurai-sword to cut them. Around you, you see everyone try to slice the bread, while accidentally cutting of their own limbs and fingers. You ask the man next to you why they don’t just give you a normal knife to slice your bread and you tell him that swords are very dangerous, but the man says that only a samurai sword is sharp enough to slice bread and that you are stupid and a noob if you can’t do it. At least, the airplane is very very fast and you get to your destination in a very short time, but when you approach the destination airport, the pilot receives a message that the landing airstrip has changed. Because the airplane is unable to change the destination landing strip after take-off, the pilot returns to the airport where it left from and will have to start the flight all over again.
• PHP Air:
  When you arrive at the airport, you see a lot of people dragging parts of airplanes around. When you ask why this is, a man says that you need airplanes in order to fly, so that’s why they are building them. You ask if there aren’t any pre-made planes that have passed security tests, but the man has already dissappeared with a big wing under his arm. Once you board your airplane (the left wing is still not finished, but the stewardess promises that it will be before take-off), you meet a little kid. You ask him if this is his first flight, but it appears that he is actually the pilot of the plane. The kid tells you all about the fact that he has played with toy-airplanes when he was a baby and that he has a real pilot’s uniform, so he is more than qualified to fly the plane. When the plane takes off, there is a lot of turbulence, but after a while, it gets better and the plane is on it’s way. When you fly above the ocean, the plane is suddenly hit by a thunderstorm. The little kid gets a little frightened, but he tries his best to save the situation. When more and more people start to panic, the little kid begins to cry and gives up. You try to steer the plane yourself, but there is no usermanual anywhere to be found. When the plane heads towards crashing in the ocean, you look outside the window and you see a man screaming in a rowing boat. At least, you will not go down alone…
• .NET Airlines:
  You arrive at a very modern terminal. There is only one counter where you can check in, but you don’t have to wait and you are helped by a very friendly woman. After checking in, you decide to get something to eat. There is only one restaurant, and it’s pretty expensive, but the food is very good, so you don’t mind. You are guided to your plane by another very friendly stewardess. There is only one corridor through which you can walk, so you don’t really need the help, but on the other hand, it’s quite comfortable. Your plane is the only plane at the airport, but it’s a very nice one, with very nice chairs and a wonderful in-flight dinner. After about 20 minutes in the air, you land at exactly the same airport as where you left from, because it’s the only airport where .NET airplanes can land.
• Java Air:
  You arrive at the airport with all your luggage. It’s kinda heavy, so you sigh: “I wish I had someone to carry it for me…” Immediatly, out of all corners of the terminal, people start running towards you, offering you their services. Some ask a little money, but most of them do it for free, because they like hauling with luggage. At first, you are totally overwhelmed by this many people offering you stuff, but after a while, you get to know some of them and they are quite nice. When arriving at your airplane, there is not one, but five, all totally different, but they are all airplanes and they all bring you where you want to go. Some of them are even free. You see some people, especially people with suits and ties, who don’t trust all the free airplanes and are anxious to choose from so many options. They all walk into a big blue building. You hear that you can let the people inside the blue building do everything for you and make the choices for you, if you pay them enough, but since you’re a little short on cash and also because you never actually see anyone come OUT of the blue building again, you decide to fly with one of the free airplanes. After a pleasant flight, you arrive at your destination. You try to convince your friends to travel with Java Air too, but all they can say is: “Was it FREE??? Then it cannot be good…”
• Ruby Air (courtesy of Ryan Daum):
  You arrive at the airport, which is actually a nightclub. There is a band playing at the check-in desk. They are playing music which sounds like New Wave from the early 80s, but the band is made up of people born after 1975. You swear that the woman at the ticket counter looks like Adele Goldberg, but she just looks at you funnily, and won’t let you past until you exchange your Dell laptop for a MacBook Pro. You are told the only place the plane will land is Portland. The interior of the plane is retro-chic, and the pilot has piercings and spikey hair. After take-off, the landing gear of the plane won’t retract, and is missing oxygen masks, but the pilot says that’s O.K., because when he build the plane he used unit tests. Halfway through the flight, the plane runs out of fuel, and you are all forced to transfer onto a new plane after a brief landing on a pacific island. You see Jack Sheppard on the island.
• JavaFX Air (courtesy of Sven Hafner):
  This one is an offspring of a very traditional airline which is around for some ten years, with a good safety record, but aircrafts available in grey color and flying to all business destinations. The new sibling starting up is very colorful and supposed to fly to hip and colorful holiday destinations using whatever aircraft you like, including hot air balloons, surfboards and submarines, though it doesn’t offer flights on freely available aircrafts (not yet). You buy a ticket with fancy 3D holograms printed on it and the flight attendants are not walking along the aisle but sliding in from the side. Before you board you can easily choose the color scheme of the plane, but then you need to paint it by yourself because there is no one doing that for your with fancy tools. It is fun flying with them. They are competing with the other budget airlines, Silverlight Air and Flex Air.
• Erlang Air (courtesy of Zubin Wadia):
  You arrive at a fairly rudimentary airport on your way to Tokyo. Only Herring is available in the food court, along with bottled water. No explanation is given in regards to the dearth of options. Stranger still, all the staff appear to have very restricted linguistic skills coupled with awkward inflections in their speech. Regardless, you figure out how to check in and get on the plane. Predictably, more Herring is served. Unfortunately, the plane hits an air pocket, resulting in a massive drop in altitude, in turn leading to the engines burning out. Strangely, all the staff are calm, they move to the exit doors and open them mid-flight… Absolute chaos reigns momentarily as we get sucked out of the aircraft and into thin air. Just as suddenly, we’re back in an aircraft, it appears to be the same one, we all have the same seats and we’re still heading to Tokyo.

Many thanks to: Gert-Jan Schouten
Source: http://www.matrixweb.nl/airlines.html

• Asshole Driven development (ADD) – Any team where the biggest jerk makes all the big decisions is asshole driven development. All wisdom, logic or process goes out the window when Mr. Asshole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best. There may rules and processes, but Mr. A breaks them and people follow anyway.
• Cognitive Dissonance development (CDD) – In any organization where there are two or more divergent beliefs on how software should be made. The tension between those beliefs, as it’s fought out in various meetings and individual decisions by players on both sides, defines the project more than any individual belief itself.
• Cover Your Ass Engineering (CYAE) – The driving force behind most individual efforts is to make sure than when the shit hits the fan, they are not to blame.
• Development By Denial (DBD) – Everybody pretends there is a method for what’s being done, and that things are going ok, when in reality, things are a mess and the process is on the floor. The worse things get, the more people depend on their denial of what’s really happening, or their isolation in their own small part of the project, to survive.
• Get Me Promoted Methodology (GMPM) – People write code and design things to increase their visibility, satisfy their boss’s whims, and accelerate their path to a raise or the corner office no matter how far outside of stated goals their efforts go. This includes allowing disasters to happen so people can be heroes, writing hacks that look great in the short term but crumble after the individual has moved on, and focusing more on the surface of work than its value.

Here is the source: http://www.scottberkun.com/blog/2007/asshole-driven-development/

• Management by Babysitter
  Man kümmert sich um die Angelegenheit, wo jemand am lautesten schreit.
• Management by Champignon
  Die Mitarbeiter im Dunkeln lassen, gelegentlich mit Mist bestreuen; und wenn sich ein heller Kopf zeigt: abschneiden!
• Management by Moses
  Er führte sein Volk in die Wüste und hoffte auf ein Wunder.
• Management by Alphüttli
  Hoch oben angesiedelt, aber furchtbar primitiv eingerichtet.
• Management by Jeans
  An den wichtigsten Stellen sitzen die größten Nieten.
• Management by Ping-Pong
  Jeden Vorgang solange zurück- oder weitergeben, bis er sich von selbst erledigt.

Eine komplette Liste habe ich dann hier gefunden: http://www.olev.de/m/management_by.pdf

http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/eula/pro.mspx

Not sure now long until someone fixes it, so here is the screenshot as for today….

“Incorrect use of globals in constraints may yield suprising results – surprising in a bad way, like when a doctor says “thats interesting” to a chest XRay of yours.”

That made my day.

Thanks.

Or directly at youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nq55R7R-qfw